Last Sunday night...I disagreed with something that my Youth leaders were teaching about. And, knowing that everyone in the room besides me and Poppy believed it, I didn't really know what to do.
We were talking about the extent of the atonement.
***Please stay! I don't want to scare you away! I didn't know what in the world he was talking about for a minute or two. lol. So don't feel bad if you don't either. The extent of the atonement is who Christ died for; who His gift was offered to.***
Well, to make a long, painful story short and, well, not so painful, I'll just say that when he asked what our group (we split up into boys and girls) thought the extent of the atonement was, I immediately said "the whole world". Let's just say, it wasn't widely accepted. Yeah. Like, me and Poppy were the only ones who believed that it was true.
So...after I said that, one of my friends who was sitting next to me answered the question with "the elect". And that's what our church believes. So, I just sat there for eternity -a freaking fifteen minutes - with my head in my hands trying to gather my courage to stand up for what I believed in. I had it all planned. When my youth leader asked if there were any more questions I was going to ask if he could give me a scripture where it said that Christ died only for the elect.
The moment came...
The moment went...
All my courage had been drained. So I sat there with my head still in my hands. Feeling sick to my stomach. My head yelling at me. My heart beating a hundred miles per hour. My breathing abnormally fast. Sweating. Regretting. Almost in tears. Why didn't I just ask the question? Is it so hard just to ask a simple question?
Yes! With your best friends in the entire world right there next to you believing something that you are challenging, how can you simply "go against the flow"? How can you stand up for what you believe in when you are doing it practically* alone?
It didn't help that I didn't know the proof for my side. I didn't have the courage. And I didn't have the knowledge.
Poppy and I spent hours on Monday studying the extent of the atonement and we now understand it so much better! God really blessed us with a good understanding! The last few days, I have started studying what my church believes about it, so I can know both sides. I am working on the knowledge. Now I must work on the courage too. But I must remember that...
God is my Rock. Whom shall I fear?
Why should I fear anyways? They're my best friends in the world! And I know that they love me and care about how I feel, for two people in particular noticed me acting different and one asked if I was okay, and the other joked with me, trying to make me smile (and succeeded!). I know I won't lose their friendship.
Even if I do - Philippians 4:13.
All in all. I got to see Romans 8:28 in action. I got to see that even when I am having the worst time of my life, that God can turn even that around for good - and in this case, me and Poppy's good! Praise God for His amazing love for us!
*I say practically because both my Savior and my sister were right there with me.